Tuesday, 8 June 2010

The Last post of Goose and Gander

Well as it says this is the last post that we are making as we have come to the end of our Adoption Journey.

Our social worker came to see us yesterday (not a good meeting).
Firstly she asked if we where both OK, and then wanted to know about the cancer scare. which we told her opening and honestly.

Then came the show stopper, she asked us if we had put any more thought into the children that we would be able to adopt. We told her that we had thought long and harder about this.
We told her that we did not feel that we would be able to offer a home to severely disabled children (due to the fact we know what is involved as my sister is severely disabled). We did say that we thought we could offer a home to children with very mild to moderate learning disabilities.

Our social worker then said I'm not sure if we can put you through the adoption procedure as we are no longer a priority, for adoption and gander also needs to be 2 years free from smoking even though he has given up in the last month.

she said that as a LA their priority is to place 2 or more children ( which we wanted) ages 3-7 years (which we wanted) and with server disabilities (which we can't offer a home to).

she then cut our meeting short and said that she is putting No Further Action on our file.
She made the comment that "you did say that this was your last attempt for having a family and you are no longer fitting our criteria ".

We would like to wish every who reads this Post good luck on your journey, and we hope you have every success but remember that if you set a goal post don't move it as it will only hurt more in the long run.

We have come to our Goal post and we are saying thank you very much for taking us this far and we hope that you find homes for all your children

Good Luck

Goose and Gander
xx xx ;-)


  1. I have been reading your diary but never commented before. I just feel so angry for you, my hubby is a smoker and we are only 5 months into placement so although they dont like smokers it deffinatly is not a show stopper, have you ried other agencies besides your LA. Please dont give up on your dream xx

  2. I'm really sorry to hear this, surely they are looking for families for older sibling groups that are NOT disabled, they can't only have children with disabilities in mind?

    I think the smoking may be harder, you may find other agencies will ask you to wait as well, but I know you'll find another agency to take you on, for a sibling group in that age range.

    Please don't give up!

  3. i echo what the others have said, dont give up! try other agencies. there are children out there that are right for you. we said we couldn't deal with major disabilities and the children we have are wonderful little 'babies' and there are wonderful children out there waiting for parents like you. yes smoking IS an issue and if gander had already stopped then this puts you in a better position for a new agency.

    you are looking at a realistic age range and i think you would be great parents. so dont give up your dream. remember the knock-backs we had and we were ready to throw in the towel many times. but our dream of being parents kept us going and now we are five weeks into placement and I am loving it. well, not the sleepless nights but you get the picture.

    have a good long think about where you go from here and i hope there is room in your future for at least another go at the process. it's a crap process but it gets you what you have always wanted, and i hope it does.

    lots of love and hugs from mary, mungo, midge, tidge and squidge xxxxx

  4. I'd echo what others have said - don't give up... unless it's really what you want to. Talk to the adoption agency, why are you not suitable when you are willing to take an older sibling group? Talk to other agencies - see if any of them will consider you.


  5. Again, what they said! Try looking at a VA again as they tend to place older sibling groups, with or without disabilities on behalf of LA's. We have found that our SW had a relatively small number of 'clients' compared to what we have heard about LA's and we feel that this is why she is so good at keeping in touch and has been so focussed with us. Don't give up on your dream just yet!

  6. I feel awful (a) because I have only just read this and (b) because of what I have read.
    You can't give up now. Your LA are using any excuse as a scapegoat. You should start again with a VA. Please say you'll try.